I don't love myself.
I don't understand myself,
But I know myself.
I look in the mirror and after all these years,
I can finally see beauty.
What makes me sad is nobody sees it now.
& When I never saw it, they all saw it.
What is this irony?
What is this pain.
Why do they want me dead.
Feel like I've already been slain.
When I'm with you,
You remind me how much I love myself.
Sunday, August 25, 2013
Oh Fuck...
The state of you and me is subject to pure fate.
Pure me not making those same fucking mistakes.
I needed help in school. I excelled in certain classes
& I thought I was cool, but I had break downs I did.
Always comparing myself to the other kids.
Some had more, some had less.
Some were always umatching in the way they dressed.
Some had style, some boys had a nice smile.
Some girls would always whisper when I
Walked by for a while.
I've always wondered, what was on their mind?
Why were they so mean to me all of the time?
I used to be really nice.
What the fuck happened.
It's like when owners abuse dogs,
They eventually attack them.
I think society fucked me up.
Almost everything in this world is corrupt.
I sometimes can't even walk to buy smokes.
I wear a skirt to buy groceries they think it's a joke.
Do you know how much I smoke?
Pain doesn't even fade,
Toke after toke.
& I wrote.
& I wrote & I wrote.
& I smoked so much,
I swore I could float.
But what it is all for?
Not believing in myself enough?
Not believing in our love?
Stating the matter that I would fail you.
Protecting you the only way I knew how.
By letting you go.
Because I knew...
I knew you'd be just fine.
You're always on my mind.
I refuse to wonder what
It would have been like if I grasped reality then
Because you cannot turn back time.
Every letter means so much,
Even though your skin,
I cannot touch.
I conversate with you in my dreams,
And you're with me during important moments
If you know what I mean.
& When I fail you just know.
I'd give it all up for you.
So put on a good show.
Pure me not making those same fucking mistakes.
I needed help in school. I excelled in certain classes
& I thought I was cool, but I had break downs I did.
Always comparing myself to the other kids.
Some had more, some had less.
Some were always umatching in the way they dressed.
Some had style, some boys had a nice smile.
Some girls would always whisper when I
Walked by for a while.
I've always wondered, what was on their mind?
Why were they so mean to me all of the time?
I used to be really nice.
What the fuck happened.
It's like when owners abuse dogs,
They eventually attack them.
I think society fucked me up.
Almost everything in this world is corrupt.
I sometimes can't even walk to buy smokes.
I wear a skirt to buy groceries they think it's a joke.
Do you know how much I smoke?
Pain doesn't even fade,
Toke after toke.
& I wrote.
& I wrote & I wrote.
& I smoked so much,
I swore I could float.
But what it is all for?
Not believing in myself enough?
Not believing in our love?
Stating the matter that I would fail you.
Protecting you the only way I knew how.
By letting you go.
Because I knew...
I knew you'd be just fine.
You're always on my mind.
I refuse to wonder what
It would have been like if I grasped reality then
Because you cannot turn back time.
Every letter means so much,
Even though your skin,
I cannot touch.
I conversate with you in my dreams,
And you're with me during important moments
If you know what I mean.
& When I fail you just know.
I'd give it all up for you.
So put on a good show.
Tres Tres Tres
I can't do this anymore.
There was a time, there was a place.
I was there with you.
I was all up in your face.
Day and night.
And when I decided to go.
I came back, right?
I called and I called.
I asked and I asked.
You shut me down.
You turned your back.
Oh, so you want me to be strong?
I'll show you strength.
The strength to leave behind everything I used to pray for.
Selfish, and not thinking of other things in my life
That needed repairing.
I was so daring...
To not think of the full situation
Before always asking for you to come back.
You never tried, never.
I allowed you to do what you did.
I never tripped.
I never called you out.
I protected you to the fullest,
As much as I was so fed up.
For what? What have you done for me.
That one sentence should have been enough.
But with my head space, apparently it wasn't.
I know myself and you know me.
I know you don't give a fuck about me,
Because if you did, you'd do more.
You toy with me,
You play.
You say things,
In the way that you say...
And I already know what it is at the end of the day.
I'm not ready to never know what else is out there.
There was a time when I was ready to wait for you.
I waited and I waited and I waited.
And you, you were wherever you were.
So I waited for you.
I have a lot of time on my hands and you know that.
I need a solid reason. A solid love that reminds me constantly.
That's strong. That holds up.
And If I'm a bad judge of character then...
Who the fuck are you?
I know better, I do.
I know what I want.
And I know I forget about long term goals quite easily.
What up. Its my life.
I gotta deal with my fuck ups.
And you gotta deal with yours.
One day....
I'll find someone who will always be there.
Never too far away.
Always have love for me,
No matter what I say.
Thinking of me daily,
Hoping that I'm good.
Dreaming of the future,
Just like I do.
Checking for me,
Every other day too.
It's all good.
They can think I'm some kind of hoe...
Because I've never found a genuine love that lasted before.
I've been in love and I've felt love.
I never let love go.
It stays with me, it's a part of my soul.
I wish you well and I'm sad.
Because I felt safe in your arms and it's bad.
But I now know where I wanna be and it's badder.
But ultimately, I know where I wanna be and it's hard.
Lay awake at night, looking up at the stars.
I wished on one for us.
You used to be the only one I trust.
Would do anything for you,
And you know it.
Scared to tell anyone,
And I'll never show it.
Secrets between you and I.
You know how I feel,
Just look to the sky.
We can communicate babe,
Feel my love vibe.
I want a young guy.
I want a fun guy.
I want somebody freaky.
I want a Boss man
Who doesn't always show it,
But fuckin' needs me.
Lust for me daily as love grows.
Call me, I'll pick up, you already know.
Lead you somewhere you've never been.
With somebody like me you'll always win.
I just hope you're not too corrupt within'
Because I treasure you like gold and something
Always comes to be an obstacle in this life.
Within everything perfect, there's always something
That just ain't right. I'l sit tight.
Prayer and hope and faith are all I know.
So Baby I'm telling you...
It'll be hard to let go.
Safest thing is to not get attached.
And if you ever hit it home,
I'll make the catch, game over...
& I'll throw it right back.
It's your ball baby, your world.
Mine too, I'll be your girl...
You don't have to tell them...
You know how we do.
& If you should ever decide.
To act on how you feel inside,
Just know I'll be down for the ride.
No funny fuckin' games, be on time.
I need somebody in the right of mind.
Who knows how to have a good time.
Who knows it & shows it...
That he's all mine.
& I'm his...
No time to fuck around.
Who the fuck are you?
Where you at?
Holla @ Me...
You Know I'm Down.
Supposed to wait on you?
Like I don't know you're around?
There was a time, there was a place.
I was there with you.
I was all up in your face.
Day and night.
And when I decided to go.
I came back, right?
I called and I called.
I asked and I asked.
You shut me down.
You turned your back.
Oh, so you want me to be strong?
I'll show you strength.
The strength to leave behind everything I used to pray for.
Selfish, and not thinking of other things in my life
That needed repairing.
I was so daring...
To not think of the full situation
Before always asking for you to come back.
You never tried, never.
I allowed you to do what you did.
I never tripped.
I never called you out.
I protected you to the fullest,
As much as I was so fed up.
For what? What have you done for me.
That one sentence should have been enough.
But with my head space, apparently it wasn't.
I know myself and you know me.
I know you don't give a fuck about me,
Because if you did, you'd do more.
You toy with me,
You play.
You say things,
In the way that you say...
And I already know what it is at the end of the day.
I'm not ready to never know what else is out there.
There was a time when I was ready to wait for you.
I waited and I waited and I waited.
And you, you were wherever you were.
So I waited for you.
I have a lot of time on my hands and you know that.
I need a solid reason. A solid love that reminds me constantly.
That's strong. That holds up.
And If I'm a bad judge of character then...
Who the fuck are you?
I know better, I do.
I know what I want.
And I know I forget about long term goals quite easily.
What up. Its my life.
I gotta deal with my fuck ups.
And you gotta deal with yours.
One day....
I'll find someone who will always be there.
Never too far away.
Always have love for me,
No matter what I say.
Thinking of me daily,
Hoping that I'm good.
Dreaming of the future,
Just like I do.
Checking for me,
Every other day too.
It's all good.
They can think I'm some kind of hoe...
Because I've never found a genuine love that lasted before.
I've been in love and I've felt love.
I never let love go.
It stays with me, it's a part of my soul.
I wish you well and I'm sad.
Because I felt safe in your arms and it's bad.
But I now know where I wanna be and it's badder.
But ultimately, I know where I wanna be and it's hard.
Lay awake at night, looking up at the stars.
I wished on one for us.
You used to be the only one I trust.
Would do anything for you,
And you know it.
Scared to tell anyone,
And I'll never show it.
Secrets between you and I.
You know how I feel,
Just look to the sky.
We can communicate babe,
Feel my love vibe.
I want a young guy.
I want a fun guy.
I want somebody freaky.
I want a Boss man
Who doesn't always show it,
But fuckin' needs me.
Lust for me daily as love grows.
Call me, I'll pick up, you already know.
Lead you somewhere you've never been.
With somebody like me you'll always win.
I just hope you're not too corrupt within'
Because I treasure you like gold and something
Always comes to be an obstacle in this life.
Within everything perfect, there's always something
That just ain't right. I'l sit tight.
Prayer and hope and faith are all I know.
So Baby I'm telling you...
It'll be hard to let go.
Safest thing is to not get attached.
And if you ever hit it home,
I'll make the catch, game over...
& I'll throw it right back.
It's your ball baby, your world.
Mine too, I'll be your girl...
You don't have to tell them...
You know how we do.
& If you should ever decide.
To act on how you feel inside,
Just know I'll be down for the ride.
No funny fuckin' games, be on time.
I need somebody in the right of mind.
Who knows how to have a good time.
Who knows it & shows it...
That he's all mine.
& I'm his...
No time to fuck around.
Who the fuck are you?
Where you at?
Holla @ Me...
You Know I'm Down.
Supposed to wait on you?
Like I don't know you're around?
Sunday, August 4, 2013
Dun Know
Waited for you for so long,
Got over you, knew you were so wrong.
When you come around, I always smile.
If I had the chance, I'd remind you, for a while.
Sit there, be me, let you know.
These feelings I have are hard to show.
They come out in certain ways.
You leave me for days.
I know the games you play.
I'm telling you it's too late.
I'll always love you, always be down,
But it's just the motion, I'm moving on.
Got over you, knew you were so wrong.
When you come around, I always smile.
If I had the chance, I'd remind you, for a while.
Sit there, be me, let you know.
These feelings I have are hard to show.
They come out in certain ways.
You leave me for days.
I know the games you play.
I'm telling you it's too late.
I'll always love you, always be down,
But it's just the motion, I'm moving on.
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