Oh Fuck...

The state of you and me is subject to pure fate.
Pure me not making those same fucking mistakes.
I needed help in school. I excelled in certain classes
& I thought I was cool, but I had break downs I did.
Always comparing myself to the other kids.
Some had more, some had less.
Some were always umatching in the way they dressed.
Some had style, some boys had a nice smile.
Some girls would always whisper when I
Walked by for a while.
I've always wondered, what was on their mind?
Why were they so mean to me all of the time?
I used to be really nice.
What the fuck happened.
It's like when owners abuse dogs,
They eventually attack them.
I think society fucked me up.
Almost everything in this world is corrupt.
I sometimes can't even walk to buy smokes.
I wear a skirt to buy groceries they think it's a joke.
Do you know how much I smoke?
Pain doesn't even fade,
Toke after toke.
& I wrote.
& I wrote & I wrote.
& I smoked so much,
I swore I could float.
But what it is all for?
Not believing in myself enough?
Not believing in our love?
Stating the matter that I would fail you.
Protecting you the only way I knew how.
By letting you go.
Because I knew...
I knew you'd be just fine.
You're always on my mind.
I refuse to wonder what
It would have been like if I grasped reality then
Because you cannot turn back time.
Every letter means so much,
Even though your skin,
I cannot touch.
I conversate with you in my dreams,
And you're with me during important moments
If you know what I mean.
& When I fail you just know.
I'd give it all up for you.
So put on a good show.