FOR YOU: Today, I thought of this girl I used to know. I wondered why no one cared when she slowly dissappeared from our lives… She used to be the one to make me smile everyday, when I was looking down at the ground she always caught me and caused me to look up. Everytime I saw her I always wondered how she felt, she always looked so sad yet happy, that kind of deepness in her eyes you don’t wanna even fuck with or ask about.
She was my friend, we used to chill.
Today, I sat and wondered why we don’t anymore. Life is life, I guess people change and move on, although I never saw her with other friends so I wondered how she could have been doing all this time.
I had and have love for her, I really did. Her story is sad to me, she isn’t here anymore, yet she is always with me, living- half dead. I used to call her Kitty and she used to call me Cat. We were like twins, everything I felt, she felt. Everything she saw, I saw.
One day she came to me and I could see the confusion in her eyes, it was like looking in the mirror. She told me without speaking how her heart is dying, how it was almost dead. She told me how she loved him so much she forgot who she was, where she was, what she was doing, what was the point.
One day, she realized, and she told me. How she didn’t love him, how she loved the other-but forgot and lust tied her in. She explained how overcome she was by all her grief and how all she knew how to do was hide from “the truth that wouldn’t expain itself.”
To me she was beautiful, my original Ti Amo.
I love you.
To her, I was a shoulder, a relief fund, and explosion of the “harness of reality”. Holding her tight, she confided in me abundantly and loved me so. I am sad for her, because one day, I just never saw her again.
That Bitch.
My friend, the bitch.
The one I called my original “Ti Amo”, is gone.
So far gone. She didn’t say goodbye, she just left. I thought damn, I guess she’s just fickle and flirty, and that’s her type. We didn’t have a physical relationship, we were only friends so why should I be sad? We have no true relation.
Sadness was all I knew untill one day I was walking and she caught me again, (by fate I thought) looking down, and she brought me back up.
My chin rose and my eyes gleamed, she came to confide in me again! My long lost friend. The best moment we ever spent together was the day we decided I was good and she was bad. The worst day we spent together was they day she decided I should stay and she should go.
Here I am and here I stay, waiting for her. She ran away to fill the empty void that love took from her. Never once did she realize that love is infinite and so she just ended up back at her original starting point.
Here, with me.
Talking again, realizing that moments cannot be repeated, and that love is truly endless, pointless to search for because it is all around you, it’s everywhere. A tough lesson learned she tells me, as she cried herslelf to sleep. “To know that face is not worth saving when foe is all you have been gracing- better to take yourself away.”
I wished she took in all that was said, she was they type to listen and then wander off in a new thought. I hoped and I prayed she would learn, that life would do her good, and respect her. I soon came to the actualization that some souls are here for a reason, and some are here to be set free.
She is a lost soul, yearning for protection. She swoops swift but lands rough, often in the most dangerous settings. I saw her devour all the men she loved. I saw her try to stop herself, but her hunger pains were not human. To love and to be loved is a perpetual loosing streak only when you find your best teammate will you ever feel fufilled.
My best friend, the one I call “She” is not here anymore because “she” lost herself. I can’t see her because she has become someone else. She has become all her pity, all her filth, and all her love loss is visible like creases on her skin.
I look at her and I don’t know her, she was my “I love you” and now she is my “How could you.” I loved her so much now all I think is how could you run from yourself, how could you try to hide. How could you lie to us, why would you leave? Was I not there for you enough? Even though I never left your side. Was I not realible enough? Even though I was practically attatched to your insides??
I used to be her gut feeling, now I am like an old fan on the ceiling. She only turns me on when things get hot and stuffy. How dare she do me so wrong, but I love her and I’ll never let her go.
I am compassionate, I am forgiving, I know some people need more help, love, and attention than others because in their lives, these things have lacked. I tried to reach out to her, I really did. The day I saw her last, I actually caught her this time, with her head down. I reminded her of the reason I would never let her down, and she smiled. Too bad she can’t remember, now I am the one that cries, for her though, and because of her.
I will never let her down because she was the only one who was ever there for me. The only one who always told me to keep my head up, she was the one that kept my head up. I will never let her down because when everyone loved my physical and my $tatus, she loved my soul.
She loved me for me, thats why I told her “Ti Amo” babygirl, “I think it means I love you.” No one will ever know who she is but I know her and you know her to.
You were the one that pushed her away, I was the one that held her close.
This post an attemp to catch this girs eye and let her know, I know you are out there and yes we are “old” friends. Don’t ever for one second think that I don’t love you, I will always love you.
You don’t need a man, you need me. A good, strong, supportive friend. A loving, sharing, caring female who feels you.
I can set you free, I have your memories, I keep them safe. You name can NEVER be vain to me, your name is beauty on my lips, it sounds just like the ocan waves and when you say mine I hear yours.
Your face could never be EXILED to me, come back and let me love you, let me shine my light on you. I want you to know you are my pillar of strength, you are the one I believe in, you are my everything. I want you to know the game will eat you up, EVEN your soul so be careful what you hope, wish, and pray for my love.
It all comes back to you, even heavier and harder for the colder intentions will be brought up and back into your face, my love. I stil believe in you, till the end of forever! My friend, I’ll still be here for you! In SPIRIT always, if not the physical form!
My Darling(s)…
(I am the woman this piece talks about)
- 26/10/2009
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